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  08 August 2016 - ALL PROJECTS ON HOLD INDEFINITELY :: Posted in General

I've been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome and ADD back in 2009, but I always felt that was not all there was to me. Only recently I've been diagnosed with a bi-polar disorder, which is most likely the missing piece of the puzzle of my mental state of mind. The last 20 years my moods have been going up and down like that of a 7 month pregnant woman (no offense to the female readers), and the cycle in which the mood changes happen went from about a year to around 3 months now. That does not mean that I have 90 'good days' and 90 'bad days' - it's just the general state of my mind, with peaks both up and down from one minute to the other at times.

Earlier today I've had yet an other such peak in the form of a very sudden deep depression. It was that bad that I gave my wife my wedding ring and I was about to walk out the door never to return. Good thing she was there to talk me out of it. The next 2 hours suicidal thoughts were on my mind constantly and I had to restrain myself not to take the pills that I have lying around the house, or just grab some knife and start cutting myself. Instead I just used my nails to inflict the pain I was yearning for...

This all is somewhat related to my programming work. I can only work on my prejects when I'm doing well and with those times getting shorter and shorter, the progress will become very slow. Not to mention, the stress caused my the need to code and deliver the project to the public is not doing my mental state any good either.

Of course, programming is still one of my greatest hobbies, and I will keep programming. I just will not make any big projects like the d20 project, or the re-coding of TetraGems and complete overhaul of Burst-a-Bubble. That's just the stress I can't need anymore and I have to put it down for that reason. Will I completely quit making games? Not at all! I just won't be making announcements or anything like that, and when I think the game I made is good enough, I'll just drop it on you all.
With that, the main site of my programming activities (AE games) will be closed down as well later this year, as well as a (silent) closure of the Facebook page I created for it. I will keep my twitter account, but don't expect a lot of tweets from me there...

Then TetraGems... I was busy re-coding it and it's basically ready on the 1st stage. I will make some (simple) modifications to code to so that the highscores, which are stored through the aegam.es site, will stay available after the closure of the site. I can't tell any date yet for that release though - it all depends on how I'm doing...


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